[17th J.P.’s Moment of Common Sense, my weekly oratorial exposition on Broad View, KBZZ 1270 AM Reno.]

Yesterday at work I received an email from the government informing me that December 1 is World AIDS Day.  Like me, you’re probably excited about a chance to dedicate a whole day to thinking about an STD.

The goals for World AIDS Day (acronym=W-A-D, or WAD) are fairly vague but it looks like they want universal access to health care for AIDS patients—kind of mysterious, when you think about it, because Obamacare supposedly took care of that.

Health care for AIDS patients sounds like a great idea but emails like this come almost every day so my sympathy is worn thin.  We just finished National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, otherwise known as October, which had way too many men wearing pink clothing who didn’t really belong in pink clothing.  If I never see another NFL player in pink cleats, pink wristbands, or pink gloves, I’ll be happy.

October was also National Bullying Prevention Month, Eye Injury Prevention Month, and Home Eye Safety Month.  If those last two sound redundant, I think that was done on purpose to make us think we had double vision.  Personally, I put forth a halfway decent effort toward keeping myself aware of breasts during the month and ignored the other issues.  One man can only do so much.

October also had some important days, like World Mental Health Day, on the 10th, and something called National Latino AIDS Awareness Day, on the 15th.  Apparently Latino AIDS patients couldn’t wait until December 1 and celebrate with everyone else.  They’ve got their own Independence Day, so by golly they want their own AIDS day.

Out of curiosity, I checked the newspaper headlines for October 10th, World Mental Health Day, to see how things went.  Muslims were killing Coptic Christians in Egypt, North Koreans were dancing around in colorful costumes to celebrate the 66th anniversary of communist slavery, waist-high garbage was piling up in the streets of Greece because everybody was on strike, and the science journal Nature was deciding to publish a paper about... Bigfoot.

So much for mental health.

This month has issues, too.  First of all, it’s American Diabetes Month, Diabetic Eye Disease Month, and Foot Health Issues Related to Diabetes Awareness Month so the diabetics are on fire in November.  It’s also Prematurity Awareness Month (which many younger men celebrated last month, in October) and way too many people keep forgetting that November is National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month.

Where was I?  Oh yeah...

Maybe the worst timing of all these doggone things is Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease Awareness Week which falls during the week of Thanksgiving.  I’m not doing it.  I refuse to think about gastroesophageal reflux while I’m stuffing my Thanksgiving turkey.  Tell you what, I’ll put in an extra week of breast awareness to fulfill my citizenship duties.

Once you get past World AIDS Day on the 1st, the rest of December is pretty short on official health awareness.  We get a vacation.  It’s Safe Toys and Gifts Month, and the 4th through 10th is National Handwashing Awareness Week, and that’s it for December.  World AIDS, safe toys, and wash your hands.  Sounds like a sign on the wall of a San Francisco bathhouse.

I admit it, all these proclamations irritate me.  We’ve got National Hispanic Heritage Month, Polish American Heritage Month, African-American History Month, Women’s History Month, National Feminine Improvement Month, Thai Heritage Month, Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month, Older Americans Month, Gay and Lesbian Pride Month, and National American Indian Heritage Month—but no month for Grouchy White Middle-Aged Men Who Like Women And Don’t Have AIDS or Diabetes or Gastroesophageal Reflux.  Heck, they didn’t even give me a day, let alone a month.

What’s the point of dividing everybody into sub-groups anyway?  We’re all going to die from something, being mortals, and we all have family background that we’re proud of but aren’t we all Americans?  How about a national month to be aware of that?

By the way, little piece of trivia, Polish American Heritage Month is October because if they used November or December the Poles would have to take their shoes off.

That’s... just common sense.

“For God does not show favoritism.” —Romans 2:11

From Reno, Nevada, USA        Tweet

November 24, 2011 - JP, I thought this was hilarious. A welcome break from boring politics. How bout a "sense of humor" day? We could all use that in these times. Huh? - Still in Reno

J.P. replies: Every time I write about liberals it’s humor.  That’s unavoidable.

November 22, 2011 - Ok I will remember that anyway if we're telling ethnic jokes then whats the most requested item by the French army? ...a rear view mirror so they can see the battle. - Devin, Washington

November 21, 2011 - I agree this drives me nuts too - by the way that polish joke is great where did you hear that? - Devin, Washington

J.P. replies: It’s a generic joke, Devin, suitable for any group you want to target.  Might work best for liberals since they are chronically incompetent when it comes to numbers.

November 20, 2011 - Wow! I was completely unaware of how much awareness there is in this country! Thanks for the laughs. - Samantha, Michigan

November 20, 2011 - Ethnic jokes? Really? - Ox, Chicago